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Many women try too hard to be nice. It's a way of life for many who live in a culture that expects them to be the ones who "keep everyone happy." But what happens when keeping everyone else happy drains your own happiness?
This book by bestselling author Dr. Kevin Leman shows how women who find themselves manipulated by impassivity, guilt, or abusive behavior can learn to assert themselves while maintaining their "pleasing" personalities.
- Sales Rank: #309381 in eBooks
- Published on: 2010-12-01
- Released on: 2010-12-01
- Format: Kindle eBook
From the Back Cover
Do you have a hard time saying no to people?
Do you feel guilty taking time out for yourself?
Do you feel overwhelmed by responsibilities?
If you can answer yes to any of these questions, you might be trying to keep others happy at your own expense. What happens when keeping everyone else happy steals your own happiness--or even your health?
Bestselling author and psychologist Dr. Kevin Leman can help you break this destructive pattern in your life. With his wise and witty counsel, you'll learn how to
give yourself positive messages
avoid or deal with the "controlling" men in your life
build your self-esteem
say no when you need to
and more
With Dr. Leman's help, you can become a person who can assert herself but still keep her pleasing personality. So say good-bye to guilt and hello to a brand new you!
Dr. Kevin Leman is an internationally known psychologist, humorist, and bestselling author of The Birth Order Book and Have a New Kid by Friday. He is former consulting psychologist for Good Morning America and a frequent guest on The View, The Early Show, and Focus on the Family.
About the Author
Dr. Kevin Leman is an internationally known psychologist, humorist, and bestselling author of The Birth Order Book and Have a New Kid by Friday. He is former consulting psychologist for Good Morning America and a frequent guest on The View, The Early Show, and Focus on the Family.
Most helpful customer reviews
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Five Stars
By N. Recovery
Never enough info...never enough action.
14 of 14 people found the following review helpful.
None
By 1grayrose
I am only half way through this book, and I just had the best work day of my 22 year career. I have been trying to figure out for years why being a dependable and "pleasant" coworker never seemed to be enough. Now, I understand that by never denying anyone's request, I taught people that they did not have to respect me, because it was glaringly obvious that I did not respect myself enough to tell them to do their own work. Thanks for some true insight regarding what makes me...me.
13 of 13 people found the following review helpful.
Insightful help for Controllees in ANY relationship
By Connie K.
Don't believe the claims that this book is only for a certain group of people, or 'all about' just one thing - it most certainly is not, and it is for ANYONE. The information given here can easily be understood AND applied to every human relationship I can think of: spouses, parent/child, friends, co-workers, bosses, or acquaintances, even chance-met strangers.
Before reading it, I didn't think this book was going to be anything I'd find terribly useful ... after all, I didn't have a problem saying 'no' to importunate people. I am so glad I went ahead and downloaded it anyway (I can never pass up a decent freebie). I didn't expect to learn so much about the nature of controllers and controllees (pretty much any kind, in any relationship). I read it cover-to-cover; this is a definite 'keeper' and a good loaner. Ha - this should be required reading for EVERY kid in the nation (not to mention every adult). Human nature never changes, so don't let the 80s pub date throw you. It's just as germane to human behavior today as it was then.
My sweet-tempered daughter had just gotten out of a (to us) verrrry strange relationship with a boy (an extremely insecure, nervous & jealous 22 year old 'man' -- um, not) whom we couldn't seem to get a good 'read' on. He blew hot and cold; first saying nice things, then almost immediately switching to an insult, practically in the same breath. He was amazingly jealous (didn't want her talking to ANYONE); a *huge* tip-off, if you know what to look for ... but we didn't know what we were dealing with, then.
After I read parts of the book to her about identifying controlling behaviors - and behaviors that encourage it - we finally understood more about his inexplicable behavior. He even admitted to her (late in their thankfully-brief relationship) that manipulation was 'a wonderful tool to use on people'. She realized quickly how broken he was - and how unable she was to 'fix' him.
Thanks to this book, she now knows that the desire to 'fix' people is a huge trap for many women (we're hard-wired to be caretakers) and that she'd fallen for it, however briefly. It didn't take her long to dump his oh-so-charming, sorry little self, but until I read this book, we simply could not understand ANY of his behavior.
During one of our discussions after reading the book, we also realized that he'd worked so hard on his 'charm', that he'd failed (utterly, believe me) to work on his *character*. You know...that little thing called a Conscience that informs our behavior, when no one is looking? Yeah. *That* little thing. His 'charm' was all the poor fella had - pretty ephemeral stuff that doesn't wear well for the long haul. In his case, not even for a really short haul :/.
So, now she knows: if she meets someone who is incredibly charming, she might want to take a very hard, second, and dispassionate look. It takes time to discern, but she knows to TAKE the time to observe a Charmer as unemotionally as she can, especially how he treats his mom/sister/other women. If he's dismissive of them, a jerk, or disrespectful, she knows to dump him - he's pure poison. From my own years-ago experience with a Charmer, I also know that they tend to make fun of people, tearing them down in others' hearing. It's darned near compulsive for them, apparently: ripping up others to build themselves up.
To survive and thrive in our lives, we have to turn off our 'Auto-Nice'. Everyone should be suspect until they prove that they really do like you *for you* and DON'T want to control you!
A final word: the original meaning of 'nice' (old English) was
wait for it ...
"FOOLISH AND STUPID"!
'Nuf said?
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